What a parent should aspire to be.

The parenthood journey is not an easy one. When a child is born, so is the parent. Having a kid comes with a lot of responsibility- taking care of the child through each up and down both physically and emotionally. It is a more practical feeling, it cannot be described in words, but I shall try to.

Growing up and as a teenager, I used to think that parenting comprises three primary tasks- being a caretaker, being an educationist, and making sure your child does not fall into bad habits/ bad company as they slowly grow up and go out in the world. That’s it. Once you do these three things successfully, you are a “good parent”.

But ever since I had a child of my own in 2022, I slowly realized that parenting is a much bigger game altogether. Sure, parenting entails taking care of your child and educating them to make them a good member of society. But that’s your job as a parent. It’s a given. Your child does not owe you anything for this.

The primary job of a parent is to LOVE your child. Unconditionally. Whatever they do. If they fall in bad company and get bad habits, or declare themselves another gender! You still LOVE them. Show them you are there for them no matter what. Never make your child resent you or backtrack from you. This does not mean you don’t counsel or help your child get out of bad stuff. But after a point, every parent must know when to let go. Your child is an individual. He/she has their own mind, their own personality, their own thought process. Let them be!

I know, this is easier said than done; especially in the country where I live (India). Our country has the most different parenting as compared to the Western world. We refuse to let our children grow up. We consider them as kids even in their 30s and 40s. Yes, I am talking about the habits we instill in our kids that go on forever, like picking up after them and cleaning their messes.

Even emotionally, we refuse to let our children think for themselves. We impose our thoughts and beliefs and value systems on them since they are kids. This makes them codependent and lost when they are left to fend for themselves. In severe cases, children can reel under childhood trauma as adults too.

As parents, it should be our primary goal to ensure our children have emotional intelligence. This can only happen if we are ourselves emotionally balanced and intelligent enough to handle and guide our children through life. Their marks do not matter in the long run, their inner mental peace and health matters the most. And this applies from day 1. Whether my child is 6 months old or 22 years old or even older.

I learned a lot in my parenting journey from my husband and family at home. How to soothe the child, teach him stuff through play, and most importantly make sure he is happy and smiling always. :) He has his own mind. It’s curious and wants to know a lot every day. He is 16 months old as of now, and his day is filled with love and laughter, and play. His favorite activity is to walk into each room of the house and interact with everyone in the house including the house help.

He picks up stuff and walks away with it, knocks over stuff from the kitchen counter, and shuffles jars in the cabinets he can reach. His toys rarely get used, as he is so interested in everything else. His curiosity takes over the minute he gets up and tries to jump out of bed to start a day of play.

Yes, I do try and discipline him when required. But I don’t impose myself on him. I love to see how his mind works, and what games he invents from random household stuff. Yes, I am a new parent. Somedays I feel short of my role for him, other days I feel good about myself and my bond with him. I learn every day and aspire to be an emotionally intelligent mom for him. I pray he can be himself with me for life- his true unapologetic self. For he is an individual person. My job is to make sure he gets a beautiful life and a loving and supporting family ecosystem which he can look back to. Always.

That, I think is what every parent should aspire to have for their children. Not good grades, a high-paying job, or an awesome career graph for your child. Not money or material goods. But an emotional connection that your child can cherish even after you are gone!