Why life is harder for introverts

Introversion has evolved to be a socially acceptable state, with more and more acknowledgement and acceptance from everyone. And support and unity, among introverts that is. Why is there a need to unite, one may wonder. And the answer is simple. Minorities always have to stick together, to face the external world, to fight injustice or inequality. And simply to feel better in the homely feeling of not being alone.

An introvert is defined as a person who enjoys his or her own company the most. He tends to avoid social interaction, and people in general. Usually shy and quiet, an introvert gets exhausted physically and drained mentally with too much of external interaction. It doesn’t even matter if the gathering is formal or informal. It means the same for him, and has a similar effect. There are very peculiar character traits associated with introverts. They have a complicated head, with too many thoughts and fancies. Imaginations and internal dialogues.

They can go for a longer time without talking, and feel there is nothing abnormal or wrong with that. What actually energizes an d recharges an introvert is some quality ‘ME’ time. Even if it is scrolling on the phone, or reading or petting their cat, or listening to music. There just shouldn’t be anyone else in the same room.

In fact, this is what is normal for an introvert. And sadly this is what is considered ‘rude’ or ‘weird’ in human society. Introverts have to constantly wage a battle within themselves- what is socially considered right or correct, and what they actually think is right. With the amount of pressure that exists, it is more likely for an introvert to submit to socially accepted norms of behavior. He tries desperately to convert to an ambivert. Much like the caterpillar which tries to blossom into a butterfly. There is definite struggle, and pain involved. Any form of change is tough; for anyone. And it is more likely for introverts to face this pressure to change and shift themselves, just so that that can fit into society.

This is where life gets harder than it actually is-

1. Introverts are very often misunderstood. Bad intentions are gauged, deliberate rudeness is inferred. The fact of the matter is more often than not completely lost in translation. The reason of inner personality is never considered by someone who is hurt with an introvert’s behavior.
2. Introverts are looked down upon for lack of good ‘communication skills’. Right from an early age, introverts have to compete very hard with peers, who seem to have no problem in public or interpersonal speaking. What seems to be effortless for peers is actually the most difficult task for an introverted child. And he is too young to even understand why, and too scared to admit this to anyone.

3. Introverts are always made to feel inadequate with peer comparisons. From a young age, introverts are unable to explain just why they cannot muster the courage to make friends, or speak up in public. And what follows is peer comparisons with mild to extreme extroverts. And introverts just cannot relate or comprehend, so they just start feeling insecure, inadequate, and under confident. These feelings are very difficult to get rid of and can fester inside through adulthood.

4. Social acceptability involves innate personality changes. If this does not happen, social ostracism is not very uncommon. Remember the school nerd who never made any friends because he always studied? Chances are he was just an introvert struggling to keep up with the class!

5. No one can really GET introverts. Unless there are two of the same kind. Birds of the same feather flock together. Sadly, even families, spouses etc find it hard to actually understand what an introvert goes through. Whether it is loneliness, or the fear of change, or the social pressures that get put on since childhood.

6. Introverts are usually doubted for their capacity, or ability to perform. A sad fact- extroverts rank higher on the confidence scale, as they can ‘talk up’ and face new people and circumstances easily. This is not the case with introverts. However, this has no relation with the ability to perform one’s tasks.

7. Introverts are expected to change themselves at the drop of a hat. What is socially acceptable is opposite of what an introvert finds acceptable for himself. Late parties and informal get togethers are socially the IT thing to do in college. But an introvert would find this absurd and energy draining. But his peers would probably resent him or mock him for not being able to change. For not being ‘cool’.

8. Very few people recognize and appreciate introverts for their qualities. And these qualities are generally absent in the majority of extroverts. Introverts rarely get to hear laudatory words for being creative, deep thinkers, great listeners, considerate of others, thoughtful, independent, natural problem solvers and a for being a calming and soothing presence.

What introverts really need is an empathetic world. Life is already harder for them. It is really not necessary to add fuel to the fire. Introverts are born introverted, and extroverts are born extroverted. It is not an acquired quality, and is really really hard to change or even alter for some time. No one asks an extrovert to stay quiet and be alone to be socially acceptable. But introverts face the pressures to be talkative and chirpy and overly genial in social setups. Let’s understand introverts more and just give them space to BE THEMSELVES.

Cuz everyone is unique and special and no one deserves to live in constant pressure to change themselves. :)